How To Sell Your Wife On The Dream

After last week’s “When lions eat your lambs” post, a reader wrote me this:

“Yes, yes and yes. I’ve had this exact conversation with my wife recently. She doesn’t get it. I have a good paying job, just finished my MBA, and am poised to climb that next rung in the corporate ladder. Why on earth would I leave that all behind to go do whatever it is that I want to do. You should be happy with your family, house, job etc.

You should put together a document on how to sell or engage your wife and family on the dream. Because they arnt going to get it straight away. And I think there could be some process you could go through to bring them on board. Otherwise it’s like trying to paddle your canoe in a new direction only to find the other person in the canoe has their ore straight down in the water stopping any progress.”

Damn good question.

Before you can sell your wife on the dream, you must first consider the reason for her resistance.

The answer, of course, is fear.

The fear that you are more focused on escaping FROM a job you hate than working TOWARDS a dream you love.

The fear that this new “freedom” for you translates to MORE WORK and stress for her.

The fear that you will tire of your new venture when the going gets tough and QUIT… leaving you more strapped and discouraged than when you started.

The First Way Man’s approach to that fear is to steamroll it and make the leap… wife’s support be damned.

The Second Way Man’s approach is to grovel before her fear… to plead and beg for buy-in.

The Third Way Man does not steamroll. Neither does he grovel.

He does not “ask” for his wife’s blessing or belief but rather WORKS TO CREATE THE CONDITIONS that compel her free “yes.”

And by “work to create the conditions,” I mean you literally get to work putting flesh on the bones of your dream TOMORROW, before changing a single thing in your family’s life.

You become the First Mover: You sacrifice first, hardest, deepest, longest.

You do NOT ask her to “take it on faith.”

You demonstrate the viability of your plan and the depth of your work ethic BEFORE asking her to risk time, money and heart on your dream.

In other words… don’t quit your day job.

Not yet.

Wake up an hour earlier and start building your list. Scrape together an hour each evening to build your website.

Carve out an hour a day to bang out proof of concept and that first holy sale.

“But Bryan! I want to be free NOW! Burn the ships, right?!”

A wise man once told me “those who ‘burn the ships’ often starve on the beach.”

Besides, it’s not “the courage to burn” that you need, gratifying as it would feel.

What you need is the courage to BUILD… to create your kingdom one bold, decisive day at a time.

When I started my first online business I was working as a mental health counselor making $1,800 a month. I woke up at 5 a.m. every damn day to get my business off the ground. I didn’t quit my day job until the net profit from my online business well exceeded my day job salary.

You don’t need to quit your current thing to start your next thing. You can start immediately, the second you finish reading.

Remember: Time vs Courage.

The world tells you it takes tremendous TIME to build something.

That may be true for the limp-alongs. For those who build incrementally, one brick at a time, with caution and fear. That man will need all the time in the world. More than he has.

But you know better.

You know that courage collapses time.

You don’t need to double your work week.

You don’t need your wife to take extra shifts or get a second job.

You don’t need to remortgage the house.

All you need is one hour of courage a day.

So get in the shit and show her the light.


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  2. David Dziesinski says

    Im pretty damn sure my matches are wet! Aside from a mountain of debt, (approx. $60- $75k and absolute least of my worries), there is also a fog so thick floating above a layer of ice so thin it wouldn’t support the weight of 1/2°. So you used to work in mental health…..? Please bear with me a moment and take the time to read. 1/23/11 my father died in MI at 59 of a sudden heart attack. Have yet to pay my respects as i live in TX (left failing auto ind. in Det. for a what would soon fail oil/gas ind.) and you’re about to understand why. 2007 bought home at lk on 5 acres via land contract. Although my blood, sweat and tears flowed freely into our new home over the next 5yrs and property value more than DOUBLED, owner accelerated lein note in April 2012 (we weren’t even 1 day late) just couldn’t secure financing). Our only vehicle quit and so 4 -6 month bankruptcy attempt failed as the bk court was 1 1/2hrs away. Property was foreclosed on and owner took back home along with said blood, sweat and tears March 2013. Meanwhile, July 2012 (you’d think i would be thankful for this one!) My daughters highschool grad./open house….. a friend allows me to take his motorcycle (1180miles), after 26hrs straight, I fell asleep 950 miles in at 80mph (no helmet)! Banged up, but hospital found only DVT bloodclot and broken tip of my finger! We vacate property in March of 2013. Same friend takes my wife, two boys (ages 2&3) and myself into his home! We spent from 08/2012-01/2013 investigating and attempting bankruptcy ProSe (never again)! Six months later (Sept. 22 2013) our two boys got out of the house and made it down to the lake where we lost our 2yr old son Kemper to a drowning just 3 wks from his third birthday. I was in charge of them that fateful morning. Thats why my interest in your career in mental health. My son Calix was diagnosed with autism about 6-9mo. later. He is now 7, and quite frankly……. The only reason i havent given in to my thoughts!!! Depression, PTSD, anxiety, etc etc etc are still very much a part of my daily obstacles!!! We now live in an RV on opposite side of the lake (constant reminder)! Direction-0, but I Swear, If I Ever get one of these matches to light………………….. this flame Will be seen and felt from Every point on this planet! I’m not afraid to jump! Im not afraid of failure! Im not afraid of what may lurk in the fog, and Im not afraid of how high that mountain is! You see this has all left me with no valid ID or license, (not employable by todays standards) as well as 18 miles from the nearest town of approx 7000 residents. If you or anyone could point me in the approx right direction as so i could locate a couple sticks, perhaps some flint rock….. I simply have no clue! One too many circles i suppose. I love and appreciate all living things. I respect and admire your “Thirdway” approach! Thank you in advance for any guidance! Sincerely, Capt. of “The ship without a rudder”!

    • Just read your story this Friday Dec. 9th AM. I prayed for you and your family. I’m an all life Christian Catholic and have seen and believe in the great power of our loving God. Though we live in a physical world, and all the good and bad that goes along with it, I know that there is also God’s spiritual realm containing also good and bad. I wish I had the answers for your life but I don’t even have the answers for mine. I am searching myself, and I’m finding that the more you seek council, the better. I was moved to read your story and to reply with the one thing that is absolute, God is with us and you should seek Him first daily, seeking His council, which He will reveal through His Word. I don’t know if you are a spiritual man, but if you are looking for the truth, start and read the Gospel of John. Before you read, ask God for wisdom and knowledge. We have a loving God and our every decision in life matters to Him. We must deny ourselves and honor Jesus, and doors will open for us. Thanks! Jim

    • Hey Man,

      That is a hard road you have been on. What are your skills? What are you good at?

  3. Doing my best to live this right now, and I couldn’t help but scream HELL YES.
    A little over 3 years ago, floundering in burnout hell, I started getting up early and staying up late to get licensed in real estate and build an investing partnership. Wife was skeptical of many aspects, and unfortunately the business did affect our life together – taking time and energy from other things we did, stressing us both, etc – but over time, as we continued to communicate, negotiate, and work toward our ideal state together in good faith, she became, BY FAR, my #1 supporter. The sprint I imagined became a marathon, but we’re on the home stretch together. We recently agreed on a strategic realignment for her as well – prioritizing personal goals over income within her business – and it’s amazing what she’s done since then. The selling is now done… we’re both pursuing the dream with each other’s full support.


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