When you were a boy, you dreamed of the day you would be king.

Of the day you would marry, have children, own lands… of the day you would be loved, feared, venerated.

You saw the way of the king, and you knew in your belly that this was your call: to live a life of benevolent power.

But somewhere along the way, the dream was corrupted.

For we saw that kings can be craven.

We saw that kings can be cruel.

And when the queens of the land bristled in unison… men, seeking to appease them, broke the scepter over their own knees.

And so men the world over resolve not to be king, but to be the second queen. To work in cheerful cooperation as two wives, without the danger or terror of a husband.

So leads the path to the deep dissatisfaction and disenfranchisement of man.

For we do not take a wife and father children to be “second queens.”

We come to marriage and family for kingship: to ravish the queen and see the animal wanting in her eyes, to live in glory, to go heart-in-mouth into our days.

You may not have servants or land or chests of gold.

But if you have a wife, children, an audience to serve… you have everything required for true, abiding kingship.

For a king is king not by the command he claims for himself, but by pressing his power to the service of others.

Kingship is an exercise in magic.

Kingship is an exercise in love applied.

Through force of will and force of imagination, you make your visions manifest.

Kingdoms are not won or inherited: they are CREATED.

So do not wait for your wife to be the queen. Do not wait grumbling for her to adulate or serve you: it is the KING that makes the QUEEN.

You stare foggy and angry at the hole in your drywall, at the un-replaced light bulbs… at the mind-numbing banality all around you.

You want to feel alive again. Deeply, lastingly.

It doesn’t come from a clean house, a check in the mail, from some bestowed blessing.

It comes from indwelling and OWNING the role you’ve already won.

You “have” a family, but it will not glow until your breathe everything you have into it… until you animate it with your mind, heart, lungs.

Don’t wait for some outside appointment: create your kingship, now: one kiss, one praise, one poem-in-the-lunchbox at a time.

Don’t sit brooding on the couch.


The queen is already taken.


  1. This one really spoke to me!

  2. There is almost lost, yet timeless archetypal wisdom shining in this philosophy of this post. The emasculating social trend is amiss. We dream the denial of the integrity of men and warrior at our own peril. You are light for the masculine. And I am also a man who has very much explored the possibilities of matriarchy. Thanks for the good reorienting work.

  3. “It doesn’t come from a clean house, a check in the mail, from some bestowed blessing.” so many are waiting to go were they already are.

  4. THIRD WAY, ALL THE WAY. Truly inspiring.

  5. Terry Mullins says

    Loved this article especially the ending. “BE THE FUCKING KING”.
    Get up off the couch and act like a man. Do your job. Don’t be a winer. Don’t be a pussy. DON’T be a tyrant. Be a King. Be a BENEVOLENT King but BE THE FUCKING KING!

  6. aneceto hernandez says

    Excellent the taming of the shrew does not come through violence or cowardess but through courage to live/love out our KINGSHIP! activities makes us modern slaves outcomes require vision and the courage to stand our own ground, which leads us to benevolent kingship and FREEDOM. Benevolent leadership has in its skill set a devil may care attitude, along with a joy thats peaceful that communicates to all a sense that all is well in the kingdom and that if there are any situations that arise and they will most certainly do, the true KING presents only solutions not issues or problems ,innovative, listening to the listening and forward thinking . true power never asserts itself haughtingly , the unwise will display itself like a tiger knowing its powerful but in the end will destroy itself due to a lack of self control but rather be the wise like the DRAGON who knows its powerful but has self control and thus sustains HIS Kingdom and advances .

  7. Chris Edgar says

    Really inspiring. It causes me to wonder if my wife is subconsciously waiting for me to really stand and be the king.

  8. Inspiring words. Exactly what I needed at this point in my life.

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