I remember with perfect clarity the moment I learned to finally, truly love myself.

It was years ago while backpacking through South America.

I was walking the smelly, sad, raucous streets of Quito and misjudged a curb.

I’m sure it’s happened to you: you’re walking along, oblivious to the drop off. Your foot hits air instead of the concrete you expected, and your body does an odd little jerk.

I’d done it before, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. It was nothing that unusual. Just a funny little misstep. read more

I’m no psychologist, doctor, or parenting expert. I’m a father of four who’s sick of the bullshit.

So weigh what I’m about to say against your own observations and values.

Let’s get in the shit.

…

When it comes to back-asswards parenting trends, there are, unfortunately, many to choose from. Here are the four I find most destructive and widespread:

1. Praising traits over actions

You may think telling your child she’s a smart, creative, special little snowflake is a good way to build her confidence. read more

Years ago my wife and then baby daughter took a ferry to visit some friends.

I don’t remember why, but I did not go with them.

I dropped them off at the ferry, and stayed at the dock to see them off.

As the ferry pulled out of the bay, I felt a flutter in my stomach as I waved goodbye.

My entire life—the two people I cared about most in the whole world—were on that boat, out in the middle of the vast ocean, small and vulnerable, so easily lost.

The entire drive home, I felt deep pangs of love, gratitude, and fear. read more

Last Sunday I woke my 10-year-old son before dawn, drove him to an empty church parking lot, and taught him how to drive a car.

I had him practice steering, braking, and accelerating while sitting on my lap.

Then, once he had the hang of it, I moved over to the passenger side and gave him free reign.

In no time, he was doing slow, steady laps around the parking lot. By breakfast, he had more-or-less nailed parking, signalling, and two-point turns.

I’ll never forget the sight of my son peering over the steering wheel with a grin on his face, blinking the sleep-sand from his eyes. read more

You fantasize of gasoline.

Of how good it would feel to douse the whole fucking mess, throw the match, and walk away.

You imagine how good it would feel to quit the book-writing, to quit the marriage, to quit the business that never seems to get anywhere despite all the time, money, and heart you pour into it.

You think of all your efforts to succeed as a dogged paddle up the river… that if only you could bring yourself to STOP PADDLING, you would drift downstream in the contented bliss of those who have learned to be satisfied with what they’ve been given. read more

You lay in the dark, eyes wide open.

You work the numbers in your head… the money you make, the money you owe…

You see NO way out of the mess.

You can taste the dread, like phlegm in the back of your throat.

I’ve had periods of my life where I was so deep in the red, I had NO idea how I’d claw my way back.

Several years ago, one of my business failures put me and my family in deep financial shit.

By the time I stopped the bleeding I was six figures in debt, much of it due in full within the year. read more

Said the man to the woman:

It’s all true.

I DO love it when you cook for me and would gladly have you cook for me always.

I DO love having you stay home with the kids.

I DO love your body and your beauty and notice them first of all that is good in you.

I know you’ve been told that all these things are proof of my base desire to control and use you.

But in fact, it’s all borne of something quite different and very simple: a man’s desire to delight in a woman.

For as a woman, there are gifts you are uniquely able to give me, a man, just as there are gifts that I am uniquely able to give you. read more

You wake at dawn.

Wife and kiddos are all asleep.

The sun rises and the birds sing as you sip your coffee, banging out your masterpiece in a flood of creative bliss.

Nice thought, isn’t it.

You’ve likely taken a stab at “becoming a morning person.”

But I’m betting it didn’t stick.

In my experience, the number one reason men fail to become a morning person is because they resort to PUSH energy when they should be constructing pull.

When you “push” yourself to get to bed by ten so you can wake up at six, your inner lazy-ass just sees lack and loss. read more

After last week’s “When lions eat your lambs” post, a reader wrote me this:

“Yes, yes and yes. I’ve had this exact conversation with my wife recently. She doesn’t get it. I have a good paying job, just finished my MBA, and am poised to climb that next rung in the corporate ladder. Why on earth would I leave that all behind to go do whatever it is that I want to do. You should be happy with your family, house, job etc.

You should put together a document on how to sell or engage your wife and family on the dream. Because they arnt going to get it straight away. And I think there could be some process you could go through to bring them on board. Otherwise it’s like trying to paddle your canoe in a new direction only to find the other person in the canoe has their ore straight down in the water stopping any progress.” read more

Your moment has come.

With fluttering stomach and sweaty hands you sit down and tell them your vision:

The new company you want to start…

The radical life change you want to make…

The brand new career path you want to take…

Whatever it is that has seized you body mind and soul and won’t let go.

You finish your spiel and look into their eyes, waiting for the look of awe and excitement to wash across their face.

Instead you get stupor.

An awkward shifting in the chair.

And then they open their mouth and the stream of soul-numbing effluent begins: read more