5 Signs You’re Stuck In The Fatherhood Matrix

They said fatherhood would be the pinnacle.

They said the JOYS of fatherhood would outweigh its AGONIES.

They said that fatherhood would give more than it took.


Ship-wrecking, life-destroying lies.

Yes, fatherhood is the ultimate and highest masculine experience.

But fatherhood itself does NOT supply the resources required to SURVIVE–let alone thrive–within it.

That’s why the “good dads” are the most miserable:

You can see it in their eyes: beneath the dutiful smiles you see the caged eyes of an animal.

These aren’t the models to follow.

These are the dads who break. The brittle ones who explode like glass when their thin strategy can no longer contain the demons’ rise.

Our generation of men has been brainwashed. Handed a bullshit script for fatherhood and masculinity that does not work.

And so we find ourselves in the Fatherhood Matrix, practicing a form of masculinity and fatherhood that profoundly dis-empowers and emasculates, leaving us paralyzed and prostrate while the parasites suck us dry.

Here are the 5 biggest lies of the Fatherhood Matrix:

Lie #1: Family comes first

Bullshit. It ALL comes first. You are wired for family AND for work. Your left foot doesn’t come before your right… neither should your family come before your work. You must be ALL IN on both. Otherwise you’ll always wonder…

Lie #2: Dads have to dream smaller

How insidious: the idea that you’re somehow “off the hook” for making your dent because you have a family. Being a husband and father is not an excuse to play it small. You have mouths to feed and GREATNESS to model: that means you need to go BIGGER, not smaller.

Lie #3: Fatherhood makes you soft

Fatherhood is not a call to soften your edges, “make nice,” or dial back your intensity. It’s a call to create a better life for your wife and children. And in today’s marketplace, that means not dulling but SHARPENING your edge.

Lie #4: Dads are too busy to crush it

I don’t care how many kids you have or how fucked up your life feels to you. You have EVERYTHING you need to succeed. It’s not about how much time you log but how much COURAGE you bring to the table. Courage collapses time and makes the impossible possible NOW.

Lie #5: A dad’s life is a life of duty

Duty is the shittiest way to move your life forward. It is the method of last resort. Yes, when your car runs out of gas, you will need to physically push it down the road. But that should be the exception, not the norm. You MUST MUST MUST get and stay inspired. Stop pushing the damn car and flip the nitro.

If you do not rip yourself free from the Fatherhood Matrix, it will systematically destroy you.

You will burn out in a long tragic fizzle, or in a giant implosion in a moment of rock-bottom desperation.

You must solve for fire.

Rip out the tubes.

Burn the script.

Piss on their plan for your life… for you to be their meek, apologetic, guilt-riddled side of meat.

Find your fire again. Whatever it takes:

Wake at dawn.

Make the pilgrimage.

Climb the mountain.

You don’t need to throw it all away!

The life of fire is NOT about burning it all down in some cathartic reclamation.

It’s about bringing the heat to everything you do so you can finally forge the life you’ve always wanted, one hammer blow at a time.


  1. Love this

  2. So tired of “making nice”.

  3. This is a good one. It makes me want to get up and run laps.

  4. I needed to hear this . . .

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