As men born in a time when our strength is vilified and our love mocked; when others consider us a blight and pestilence; when the masses of men thereby lose themselves in endless loops of rage and apology, we proclaim a new dispensation:
1. We reject male guilt: we are UNASHAMED
We reject the burden of guilt others place on our shoulders. We reject guilt by association, guilt by gender, guilt by genitals. We refuse to stand trial for other men’s crimes, not just for our own sake, but for the sake of our women, and children, and all others whose happiness and flourishing depend on the vigor of a man unashamed;
2. We reject the unisex imperative: we are OTHER
We reject the lie that gender is some threat to be neutralized. We proclaim that man and woman are equal in value yet different in gifting, and that this difference is not cause for division or estrangement, but for ultimate collaboration. As such, we embody the masculine proudly, as we look to our women to embody the feminine, to the mutual benefit and pleasure of all;
3. We reject domestication: we are UNTAMED
We reject all efforts to civilize, censure, and otherwise muzzle the inherent wildness of man. We proclaim that our drives, hungers, and instincts are not monstrosities to be purged, but the roots of our power. We proclaim that we serve our women best not by suppressing our animal wildness, but by directing it to high ends;
4. We reject the middle: we are creatures of the EDGE
We reject all calls to be average, safe, and ordinary. Our territory is the far edges of the known, where all advancement and adventures lies. We are rigged for hinterland, and go there to explore, harvest, and return again, in good time, without permission or apology;
5. We reject all outside control: we are FREE MEN
We reject all attempts to bind, encumber, or subjugate us to the will of another. We proclaim that no one has any right to our strength or love, and that the works of our hands are ours and ours alone to give, should we so choose, and that this freedom is the prerequisite for all human flourishing;
6. We reject the trivialization of man; we are ESSENTIAL
We reject all claims of masculine irrelevance to society beyond procreation and provision, and all petty caricatures made to undermine our contributions. We proclaim man’s gifts are as varied and vital as woman’s, without which all are equally impoverished;
7. We reject the role of consumer: we are CREATORS
We reject the role of man as consumer, as indiscriminate imbiber of goods, services, and culture. We proclaim ourselves instead to be makers, craftsmen, and creators writ-large, creating not only works of art, but works also of family, of business, and culture.
8. We reject the identity of victim: we OWN ALL
We reject all forms of male docility, victimhood, and helplessness. We proclaim ourselves as powerful as we choose to be, and that our kingdoms are as small or great as the level of value we provide. We rise gladly to take up the mantle of responsibility, not to appease, or to prove ourselves to others, but because that is the straightest path to power.
9. We reject the call to weakness: we are ALL-POWERFUL
We reject all efforts and compulsions to limit man’s strength, and any claim that man is unfit to wield his own power. We uphold man’s power as our great gift, and as such, seek at every turn to enlarge it: not to suppress or control others, but to broaden our base of impact, freedom, and joy.
Thus spake we, becoming yet never arrived, unfulfilled yet unneeding, all of us, with one voice, Third Way Man.
Love what you’re doing and considered buying your “black-paper” LIT. I came to a realization that if I am going to do anything for myself, the first step is to quit my soul sucking, energy-sapping, inspiration-killing, depression-inducing job, which renders me zombie-like at the end of each day. My only question is how am I going to support myself, and my kids for that matter while pursuing and building my life’s work. I have read several articles, blogs, papers, etc… like yours, however none address that issue, not even with simple suggestions, or strategies to help people like me get by in the early stges. I don’t have a large savings account, or trust fund to supplement me through the building phase.
Morale of the story is I, like many other feel Stuck, and cannot see a way to get unstuck without incurring crazy debt, and putting the family ion the poor house.
That is a great question, Patrick. I may do a future blog post or report on that, as you are certainly not alone. You should not feel like you have to choose between pursuing something you are passionate about and attending to your family’s financial needs. The third way is about finding the “both/and” solution. Commit to spending regular time building your “escape hatch.” You feel now like you do not have the energy, but the act of actually doing something about your unhappiness and building a better future will give you more energy and heart then you can imagine.
There is strength in incurring the soul sucking job, especially as a provider for the family. That is by definition, high strength and high love. Carry that sting with pride.
Nice! Never thought of it that way.
No. Wrong. Your family does not want the King to suffer like a beast of burden and pull the wagon to market just so they can eat. They will not remember fondly your memory if that is the legacy you leave.
However, striking out at a new adventure, even if it’s living out of the ‘78 Winnebago at the state park while you boldly, even if ineptly, swing your mace to leave your impact on both your future and the minds of your subjects (the Queen and your children).
Lift them up. Serve them by showing them how you are a leader, their King and unafraid to truly as best you can make your future how you envision.
I respectfully disagree, Seth. That is Bryan’s definition of the Second Way Man, The Coward; Low Strength, High Love. This is exactly how so many men I know say they feel, but when you speak with them on a deeper, more personal level, they are truly unhappy. They are providing for their family with a soul-sucking job. They have a nice house, and their family is provided for. This provides happiness, but only on the surface. Deep down, this soul-sucking job is draining all inspiration. They are all looking for a way to leave their job but can’t due to fear of not providing. This is not strength.
I quit my soul sucking job, worked three part time gigs, went to school full time, and then repeated the process 8 years later to get a second degree. I still did the school band concerts, coached received league sports, paid the bills, cut the grass, read the bed time stories, and gradated with honors. There is boldness in deciding to act. I slept 2 to 3 hours a night for 3 years. Didn’t kill me as much as indecision did.
Rec league
It was well worth the 10 bucks…it was a great read and straight forward. He doesn’t waste words or fill pages with blah blah blah.
Being entertained is fun and we pay for entertainment. Working is not very much fun and we get paid for working. If working was a great joy, we would pay to do it. Knowing this difference is of value and explains why work is not a big party. However, work should not be painful. Work should be better than just tolerable. There should be portions of your work that you like.
Fear can lock you into a bad job. If you have been through months of impoverished, you will take any job you can find. Liking the job means nothing. You are now out of impoverishment. Fear of impoverishment again in your life is a valid understandable fear. So you suffer through work each day. I think you must have a plan to get out of the bad job. You need hope. Take on no debt. Debt will lock you in as a slave to the bad job. Save money for a transition period. Reduce living costs to a skinny minimum. Save. Get a second job. Save. Look around for a new job. Then overcome your fear, get some courage, and make your move to a new employment.
I have been in your shoes several times. Having been through the process of getting to the next level, I ended up learning things and getting better each time I transition. Some of the lessons learned. 1. Once your soul sends you the message, it will contrive to arrange ways for it to happen. Continue to ignore it and those ways become more painful. Sooner or later, you will do what your spirit tells you to do. 2. The biggest one I learned recently. You dont have to do it all at once. You eat the mountain with a spoon. A great question to ask yourself is “what is my next SMALLEST step”. Humans run on hope and possibility. Those small steps bring hope and possibility. 3. Dont think either or. Think either and. Sometimes the solution is Yes to Both. 4. What if your current situation is the exact thing you need to get you ready for the next step? Ask yourself, how is what I am experiencing, learning, doing, getting me ready? 5, And finally, all we can control in our lives is our own thoughts and actions. You own your state of mind. There are a million tools out there now that can assist in that. But I have found that being happy is my own choice despite my external circumstances. Or you know you’ve made it when you can be in the house while its on fire, and be at peace. The universe is in your corner, if you look for the signs, it is cheering you on. And so am I. And so are all who have responded to your post.
Great peace of advice Joe. I will save ur text for later when I need to read up on it again since it kind of rang a bell with me at least.
I’m in the middle of a process right now where I’m going through alot of changes at the same time (moving, getting married etc) and I think I’m looking for a way to stabilize all the impressions that have lead me to this point. Thank you 🙂
Stop trading your time for money ASAP and work everyday on buildings for residuals cash flow streams in the realm of your choosing. That is the only way out in the long haul.
New to the blog- I am afraid that I am level 2.
I am the nice guy. My wife is yearning for me to get Mad and break out of our situation.
Lee
Lee…..
I recommend reading “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. I apologize, I forgot the name of the Author.
I used to think by not being the “nice guy” meant I had to be the opposite….the @$$hole.
Good news is thats a false belief. Dr. Glover, I just remembered the authors last name, lays out the law in a bulleted check box orientation. Like me, you may find yourself checking a lot of the boxes marked nice guy.
Trust this complete stranger, haha, when I say THEIR IS A HEALTHY MEDIUM. Its obtained by doing /working steps every.single.day!
Reap and Sow. Side note I learned the long and arduous hard way we cannot change anyone. We cannot spark change in anyone by our actions. Its an organic process. We as men put work in, reap, and pray, meditate…fingers crossed it changes, sow, the heart of our spouses.
It may not be the case.
We may not see change in another. We can only manifest change within ourselves and the way we view our world.
Secret Sauce: Everyday and in almost every decision I ask myself this, “how would the man I aspire to be respond, decide(INSERT ACTION)” This moves us men outside the containers of our minds and towards the MEN WE WERE BORN TO BE.
Also keep moving…. left foot then right….repeat.
Goodluck Brother
Sincerely,
A fellow man deep in the muck
Wow! John, I want to thank you so very much for an insight you have sparked. You mention that in almost every decision, you ask yourself the question : “How would the man I aspire to be respond, decide(INSERT ACTION)?”.
This is such a powerful and profound question.
I have had quite some success in my life in every sphere – financially, professionally, in relationships and with my family. I have attended multiple leadership and development courses in some of the most prestigious multi-national companies. I am a life-long learner and consume all manner of personal growth and development materials.
This is one question I have never run across or thought to consider. Shame on me. But good for me that I have discovered it now. Thank you again and good luck with your journey.
Excellent!
Im really loving your writing Bryan. Im one of many guys who resonate with what you are saying and agree that its time for the Third Way to become part of our everyday conversation about business, life and marriage. Too many blokes are buying into the denial and “cone of silence” that surrounds the concept of living life on your own terms. Keep up the good work mate!
I’m the guy that wants the challenge of growing a business, but I don’t yet know what my product/creation is. Should I teach from my life’s experience, a creation I put together in my garage on the weekends, or a service that eventually dominates my time, until it can produce more than my full time job. I’m like Patrick above, not wanting to sink financially while trying to succeed financially. What should I be peddling from my bag? How do I figure that out?
Hello, I´ve been looking for tools and knowledge for finding realization in life, I guess every one of us at one point in life, asks the same question… am I happy the way I´m living my life now?… am I living the real purpose of my life?… and among many papers and articles this LIT paper puts the core concepts together in a very simple way and steps for anyone to explore. I will also recommend this book, which also speaks about finding your ONE THING. I hope it helps in any way to any one out there… By the way, I´m still looking and working to find that ONE THING…
FINDING YOUR ELEMENT – How to discover your talents and passions and transform your life
By Ken Robinson
http://sirkenrobinson.com/finding-your-element/
All the best!!!!
Manuel
Hello Bryan,
I’ve purchased your LIT pdf. Fortunately my 2 “Things” are already underway & I’ve been supported by the Universe, in that everything I need to embark on my creative journey has been supplied in abundance. I’m in my late 40’s, have always had a penchant for art in some form or another, it’s “In the blood” as it were. Financial freedom came after many failed, so I thought, attempts at careers, each one a faint promise of hope in achieving success. Little did I know all those numerous chances were learning lessons in following paths that, winding and backtracking led me to where I am now. Having successfully raised a daughter on my own, from the time I was awarded Full Custody on her 8th Birthday, to see her graduate from University, travel to her dream location & fulfill her “Things”.
When my 1st marriage to my daughters mother ended, the circumstances were unbearable at that time. Coming from a broken home myself, the shame of failing at life almost ended me. The things that happened, drove me to the very edge of suicide. I’m glad I didn’t give in, all I lived for was my daughter, her future depended on me being here. After a life of struggles, challenges, fighting the good fight to be a good dad, while doing shiftwork, i scraped & saved for her tuition & now, after striving for better career options finally came to fruition. I was able to pay off all her financial commitments. Now is the time I get to “Play”, I’ve read in several publications that one should seek a way to get paid for “Playing”. For example, Actors-Sports Figures-Musicians-etc., make a livelihood “Playing”. Doing their “Thing”. My endeavors are now imbued with the power of new conviction after purchasing your PDF-“LIT”. It crystallized what my inner voice tried to whisper to me. Your words came at the perfect time, to temper my resilience & make me believe I can do my “Things” with vigor and confidence.
Thank You Bryan,
Sincerely, Justin
‘
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It looks like you don’t have help for me, a single man with no kids…
Hi Ray,
I would recommend Tim Ferris’s work. He is a single man and has tackled a lot of psychology, life hacks, mind/body improvements, etc.
What Bryan is tackling is a very unique set of circumstances faced by married men with kids (and a declining hormone situation for most of us). You can trust me, I’ve been both single without kids and married with kids. 🙂 It’s different. In fact, it’s much harder being married with kids (or divorced with kids). So, whatever you’re facing now, it gets worse. I don’t say that to discourage you, but to help you look at your current circumstances and maybe see them in a new light…as something you can handle. BTW, if you get your shit together now, your later life may not be as hard. Focus on your professional life and your financial life! If you get that handled some of the later stuff won’t feel so heavy, because you won’t have to try and carry the weight of financial stress along with everything else.
So, don’t see it as this site “not being able to help you”, instead find that resource or resources that are targeted at you. They are out there….
Best of luck!
Bryan…. I came across your article on facebook and unusually clicked on it. I must say you truly got me intrigued and spoke directly to me and my situation. I too walked a similar path and got lit and wrote a self improvement book and blog. I wish you the best …. just wanted to say I truly admire what you are doing with the lesson you have learned…..sharing!!!!
I spent several years working as a firefighter in Alabama in a department that sucked you dry. 7 years I sat and withered away with no life in me. One day I just reached a point where I couldn’t take it any more. I needed to live. So I went to a different department. It was better, but I had lit a fire within me that I could not seem to quench. So I began working on a Masters Degree. That helped, but it still wasn’t what I was looking for. So I’m changing it up again. I took a job in Bahrain. In two months, my wife and 3 sons will be moving to the kingdom of Bahrain. On top of that, I will be starting a PhD program in July. It feels good to be LIVING again. We only get one shot at life, why not give it all we have?
I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out
in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom
of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
-Jack London
Henry, love the poem!
SEAL team mottos…visceral and motivational;
“Embrace the Suck”
“The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday”
When I asked SEALS about hell week and what it was like I got one word answers;
“Cold” “Tired” “Hungry”
I never met a SEAL I couldn’t outrun…I ran a 4:17 mile in the USN. But I was not S,AL I was in SWSE, Strategic Weapons Systems Electronics, I was a Missile Technician on a nuclear submarine, and I did not have to endure the 102 hour “Hell Week” awake with only 4 to 5 hours of sleep…I was on a Submarine and once worked 54-1/2 hours straight with no sleep, standing watch, doing quals, studying, beginning the cycle again…all I did was drink coffee and “Embrace the Suck.”
By the middle of the week I was “hot runner” ahead on quals, supporting the watch rotation, and getting ready for my next check out with a senior submariner.
Your state in life is not that of being a victim, it is thinking you are a victim stuck “soul sucking, energy-sapping, inspiration-killing, depression-inducing job, which renders me zombie-like at the end of each day.”
To coin a term from Schwarzenegger in my own phrase,
“Suck it up “girly man.”
Oh, and remember to live NOW, and recall when you lived THEN.
I am a disabled veteran, so, in college I worked out trying to strengthen myself and recover from it…I became an Amateur Middle Weight Champion to prove to myself I still had “fire”.
As a Sophomore in college, I stayed two months in the Indonesian jungle, but also, now, during my “soul sucking job,” I took the family on vacation to visit Indonesia, took my mother in law to a five star hotel at Anyer Beach Indonesia for her 70th birthday, put almost the whole extended family up for three days there in the Presidential Suite, and one morning I kayaked out into the open sea of Java on that black water and thought as I looked back at the islands and up at the blue sky,
“I have finally made it.”
I brought that kayak back to the beach surfing a wave that scooted me right onto the sand in front of the hotel…the kayak staff asked if I was professional…
“First time.”
Was all I said…good fortune favors the brave.
In 2006 I coproduced a movie that has been seen all over the world, have been featured on television in Istanbul Turkey, Central Europe, and the latest was on the big screen and television broadcast in Tehran, Iran December 17 to 23rd 2017.
I prayed the EID prayer in Istaqlal Masjid with 120,000 worshippers and on my exit of that grand mosque so pressed into the throng as I walked down an entire flight of white marble steps my feet hardly touched the ground and we spilled out into the streets of Jakarta like water on a stone.
Light your own fire in your heart wherever you are, or you will die with cold ash in it…never fear that you will fail, expect it and have plan B and C ready.
Be tenacious. Be wild. Be bold. Be brave. Be in Love. Be in Anger. Be in Pain. But Embrace The Suck, and Never Quit!
Abdullah Mikail MacKay
Motivational Mottos:
SEALs “The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday”, “It Pays to be a Winner”, ”
Marine Corps ” Celer, Silens, Mortalis”; (“Swift, Silent, Deadly”)
Army Rangers “Sua Sponte” (Of their own accord), Rangers Lead The Way
Air Force Special Forces “Any Time Any Place”
And then there is my Motto:
“Pro patria, pro honore fidelity sed primus Deum”
(For Country, For Honor, Fidelity, but foremost for God.”)
God!!! Thank You, You hit the nail on the head! I have been looking at these post for a couple of weeks getting depressed.
I retired U.S.Army at 20 year. Changed career paths thinking I would be happier. Discovered my mentor who help me find my way after the Army. Started my second career and loved what I was doing and never looked back. And yes I work for SOUL SUCKING EMPLOYER. Now semi retired traveling, working some were I’m appreciated. Abdullah Mikial Mac Kay is right “Suck it up Girly Man” Quit whinnying about your situation, CHANGE IT!
Oohrah! Loves me some ground pounders….wanted to go BUDS got stuck in nuclear weapons. 🙂 Live it, love it, everyday remember, we’ve been down in the dirty and went to places that most people will never see, so, even on the worst day in the office, I still remember the best days in uniform.
Thank you for your service…..great post.
How To Get Out Of Debt Without Feeling Like A Poor Person by Bryan Ward
Patrick, the above article is in this website. Your soul sucking job and Bryan’s debt have similarities. Your job, like his debt that he climbed out of is a pit that you can climb out of. Have a read and then act. If still not inspired enough, read this one too.
How To Get Your Fire Back.
All the best on your way up and out of the pit.
My teachers were right. If you applied yourself, you could be amazing.
I never did. Skated by on being “good enough.”
Now i’m 54. Wife. Son. We rent. I never lived up to my potential.
If it wouldn’t ruin their lives, I’d off myself.
There is no time like the present to change. Its not to late. I also know how you feel. I always had a gut feeling that I was going to one day be a success. I guess my parents gave me that notion. I was a B-C student in high school and went to college and underachieved greatly. The hurt pride can be a strong force in the emotional and mental health for us. T
Its a emasculating force and has been in my life. Be greatful for the things you do have brother. I am a divorced 37 year old man with a 4 year old daughter that I don’t get to see as much as I would like due to a 15 year battle with a progressive, chronic, and fatal biological brain disease in which there is no known cure. My disease is in recession thanks 10000% to a spiritual solution. I am a recovering opioid addict (heroin). I made many bad decisions in my life that have shaped my current circumstances. But ohhhhh how blessed I am that the sun rises and gives me the opportunity to make a new path everyday. I was homeless living in a car that was not even mine a year and a half ago. I am slowly but surely putting one foot in front of the other today and counting even the smallest victories in my life. Living in today had been a total change of the way my brain works. Keeping regret and remorse about past mistakes and fear of that that is unknown like tomorrow out of my thinking is a discipline that has taken time to grasp. Through prayer and meditation on God and his plan for me I have been given the ability to stay in the now. Not living up to so called potential is relative to your prospective on your life. Through total desperation and brokenness I found God. And upon finding this all loving God I have found purpose. But first the hard lesson of leveling of my Pride had to take place. I had to quit trying. I had to get my ego and my will out of the picture and when that is removed what takes its place is more rewarding and fulfilling than I could ever imagine.
Just read your “Two minute read” that I happened upon while browsing the news. Stopped me dead in my tracks. Hitting me in all of the place were there are “cracks that light get through”. As a man and a father, I could have written that narrative. But didn’t because of low self esteem or shame or lack of desire; any one of the many reasons I (we) give up.
But give up, I will not.
My son is 13 years old. He lives with his mother and step-father in Maryland. I live in New Mexico. I know that my process of growth and exploration, as a man, is the single best thing I can do for him. The distance – acts like a resonator – magnifying my growth and change. He feels the difference and we are deeply connected because of this.
Your piece really activated something inside of me. Even my partner of eight years, noticed the energetic shift. You have gained a new follower and cohort in this journey we call life. I post a blog under Ten Graces. I write about the world I see and my role as a man, father, community member and human being. This is my gift to men and the world around me.
Thank you for the light.
I have the fire. I want my family back. I’ve been writing ready to publish. I can’t move on will not but what to do. They left already. God help me any suggestions please.
Write the goddamn manifesto already! I’m an admirer of your writing, and would love to see a concise, crystallized Third Way Man Manifesto.
I’m in my 6th decade of this life, and just awakening to all that it means to be a creative force in the world. Keep it coming Bryan.
Seconding Michael—
Write the Manifesto—or start it, we can help!
I too am in my 5th cycle and found this inspirational….
Go Bryan!
Coming soon… truly!
Well worth the wait, Bryan! I’m going to print the manifesto and keep it in sight when I am working creatively. I think I’ll also print a few to hand out to any of my friends when they begin to sound squishy about their role as a man!
Hi Bryan. Just came across this and am super impressed. I was wondering if you had any posts or resources on men and alcohol/ drug abuse. I think a great hindrance to our potential is alcohol culture. It has clipped the wings of men, often times making them into complete dicks that cannibalise everything that is dear to them. Would a brutally honest discussion here be of help?
Nick, we don’t have any posts on that yet, but I agree – it’s overdue.