Had a lousy, fight-filled date with my wife last night.
Feel like shit today.
I’m angry and repentant and belligerent all at once.
My ground is shot: diet and sleep have been horrendous this week, due in part to travel, in part to stupid choices.
To my eyes, everything looks shit-soaked right now.
My point is this:
I fuck up and am fucked up.
Just like you. Just like everyone else.
None of us is exempt.
I used to think my fuckupery disqualified me from writing a book like LIT, from writing posts like these, from having the audacity to proffer my thoughts and advice on masculinity to other men.
I’ve never been and never will be the dad who has all his shit together.
But then again, that’s ALL of us. Behind the “doting husband and dutiful dad” facade, we’re ALL trying to keep our heads above water… trying to navigate our own unique brand of fucked up.
We don’t need more so-called experts with pristine public personas that hide and deny their fucked-upness.
We need more dads and husbands telling it like it is.
…Not to wallow in negativity or to excuse bad behavior, but to bring respect and humility to this soul-bending path that we, as men of commitment, walk.
What gift are YOU withholding because you deem yourself “too fucked up” to share it?
What genius have you mothballed out of undeserved shame?
What love do you give lamely because your heart is preoccupied in a never ending stench of self-reproach?
Fuck perfection.
Fuck polish.
Fuck silencing yourself because you don’t always “walk the walk.”
Take your thing and LET IT RIP, brother.
Besides… the flaw you think is fatal may be the very thing that makes us trust and love you.
You are clearly speaking to me. Excited to stumble across this fucked up stuff. I’m with you 🙂
That was so nice to hear. I’m a good man but I fuck up. Ive learned that im better at everything once I become OK with this. Its tough though. Its 47 years of hiding it. Tryin to teach this old dog something new.
Spent most of my life as,a fake. Trying to pretend like I belong, especially at work. I haven’t found the place I belong, where I can be me, where I don’t have to fake like I belong. Music is my passion. But its been 38 years. Everything seems to be falling down, get bills caught up , infected tooth. 1500$ we don’t have. I know, I am whining.
I almost clicked off your site because you asked me for ten dollars! All the other sites do the same after wasting a half hour of your time, without ever landing the plane unless you send them money. I am so glad I saw the articles link at the bottom. I haven’t even ordered your book but after reading your articles I feel ten dollars is a steal! Maybe you want to throw that link out first? IDK but you definitely speak to people in a way that nobody else does and everyone needs,. I sent my son one article, he said “that one was heavy.” He is 27, I am 54, so the older the more relevant I feel, but the younger can avoid the mistakes I made. Great stuff, I have felt my whole life but could never put into words quite like you do!
Glad to hear it, Richard!
Epic shit Bryan! A battle I fight daily with my own identity and seemingly lack of perfection. Thank you for that!